Each of the three roles of the Winner’s Triangle; Vulnerable, Caring and Assertive, require the development of a different set of skills.

Vulnerable

Skill to be developed: Problem solving

Any technique that the Vulnerable person can use to get themselves thinking about options and consequences is valuable. The first set of the suggestions below are problem solving, self help initiatives. The second set are therapeutic techniques, suitable to group and individual work. The last group of suggestions are non-rescuing invitations that encourage problem solving.

Problem Solving

Training in problem solving techniques like:

  • Working backwards
  • Assess, Plan, Implement and Evaluate
  • Trial and Error
  • Lateral thinking
  • Brainstorming
  • Data collection
  • Consulting feelings

Therapeutic

Therapeutic techniques to mobilise personal motivation and raise self-awareness.

  • Guided fantasy
  • Suggestion circle
  • Two chair work
  • Re-decision work

Non-rescuing invitations

Non-rescuing invitations to think about and solve problems

  • What have you tried so far?
  • How did that work?
  • What do think went wrong?
  • What do think went right?
  • What will you do next?
  • What do you predict as possible outcomes?
  • How will you take care of yourself around negative consequences you envisage?

Caring

Skill to be developed: Listening

The development of listening skills that involve emphathising with the Vulnerable person is required. This might involve reflecting back to them as they speak what you are hearing them say and how they they are saying it, the underlying emotional tone. Interpretation and evaluation are avoided. Listening is frequently the only caring response needed.
The result of good listening is that the speaker experiences their feelings as having been honored and not discounted. Once you have established clear communication the following extras can be added in:

  • Invitations to Problem Solving. (see above)
  • Offers of specific practical help. The offers need to be genuine and not self-sacrificing
  • Feedback about how you perceived them.
  • Information. You may know some factual information that might assist the Vulnerable person.

Assertive

Skills to be developed: Assertiveness

Assertiveness is about getting your needs met without punishing. This requires:

  • Asking for what you want
  • Saying “no” to what you don’t want
  • Giving feedback about behaviour that is causing a problem, and stating clearly what you want the other person to do differently
  • Negotiating workable plans
  • Using problem solving skills to get your needs met, even if the other person stays exactly the same

Based on a paper, ‘The Winner’s Triangle’, presented by Acey Choy of Sydney to the 1985 Transactional Analysis Conference held in Christchurch.

Advertisement